So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
