i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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