Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
