I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
