never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
