If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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