did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
