I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
