giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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