Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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