i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You pole danced in your parka.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
