Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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