Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
