Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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