By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
