What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
