I didn't shave. On purpose
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My dick has a subreddit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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