So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
