Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
