This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
