You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just cut my nipple shaving
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
