New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
