I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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