I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
two words: eviction party
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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