shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im holly from the hills drunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
