everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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