dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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