So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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