Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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