You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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