So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
