I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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