There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
