There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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