Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
