A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
