Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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