I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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