I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
