i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
