We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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