So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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