the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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