why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
