So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
