these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
