I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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