thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
