Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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