don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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