i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
