It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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